Subject: Marriage (Page 7)

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Marriage Wives

That’s when you know you're a true married couple: when you have to apologize for what you did in her dream.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Marriage Money Work

The concept of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright
Marriage Time

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

A fool and his money are soon married.

(1862 – 1942) American author & poet
Fools Intelligence Marriage

It was a mixed marriage… I’m human, and he was a Klingon.

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Marriage People

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage People

The other day my wife asked me to take her someplace real expensive to eat, so I took her to the airport.

stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home… there's always something.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic
Marriage People

Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Marriage

My wife gets all the money I make… I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage Wives

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director
Beliefs Marriage Religion Wives

Oh, we were doomed from the start. I’m an Earth sign. She’s a Water sign. Together, we made mud.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer
Marriage Men Mistakes

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook… after dinner, I don't brush my teeth, I count them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

How it Works: The Wife

Book Titles Marriage Wives

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender.

Husbands Marriage

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Marriage