Subject: Marriage (Page 9)

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix’ that's why he's never worked.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Husbands Marriage Work

If a tree falls in the forest and hits my wife, but nobody else is around, does a chainsaw still make a noise?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage Wives

Because if it doesn't work out, I don't want to blow the whole day.

American football player
Football Marriage Sports

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Husbands Marriage Wives

I haven't spoken to my wife in years; I didn't want to interrupt her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

I’d go to the end of the world for my husband; of course, if he’d just stop and ask directions, I wouldn’t have to.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Husbands Marriage

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Marriage Problems Sex World

My parents got divorced after 40 years… that's the longest game of chicken ever.

American comedian
Divorce Marriage

I had to go by the drug store to get some marital aids: breath mints for you and Wild Turkey for me!

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Seems like only a year ago they were married nine years!

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Marriage Time

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Husbands Marriage Self Wives

How many husbands have I had?… do you mean apart from my own?

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage Sex

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Divorce Marriage

If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

(1924 – 2008) American actress
Communication Marriage Speech

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage People

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives