Subject: Marriage » Wives

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Wife: A former sweetheart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

The tragedy of marriage is that while all women marry thinking that their man will change, all men marry believing their wife will never change.

(1929 – ) British military historian, cook book writer & novelist

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Hovering between wife and death.

(1771 – 1854) Scottish writer

She admitted to me recently that when she first met me, she didn't really like me very much; but luckily for me, she really wanted to stay in this country.

comedian

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The other day my wife asked me to take her someplace real expensive to eat, so I took her to the airport.

stand-up comedian

I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic

If you would like to get your wife’s attention – just look comfortable!.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy: first, let her think she's having her own way, and second, let her have it.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

I understand that many newlyweds are vacationing here (Niagara Falls)… I suppose seeing the falls was their second biggest disappointment.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Middle-age is the time of life, that a man first notices – in his wife.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian













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