Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 3)

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

She admitted to me recently that when she first met me, she didn't really like me very much; but luckily for me, she really wanted to stay in this country.

comedian
Marriage Wives

Every American woman has two souls to call her own, the other being her husband's.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Husbands Marriage Wives

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Oh, we were doomed from the start. I’m an Earth sign. She’s a Water sign. Together, we made mud.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Wives

My wife has to be the worst cook; her specialty is indigestion.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Health Wives

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Insults Wives

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

The other day my wife asked me to take her someplace real expensive to eat, so I took her to the airport.

stand-up comedian
Eating Food/Drink Marriage Wives

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
Marriage Wives

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

(1982 – ) American author
Marriage Wives

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

American entrepreneur & author
Intelligence Marriage Memory Wives

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Things Wives

Husbands are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol
Husbands Marriage Wives

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Wives

My girlfriend say’s that I’m afraid of commitment… well she’s not my girlfriend… more a wife.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Wives

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director
Beliefs Marriage Religion Wives

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking…,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

American actor & comedian
Marriage Situations Wives

Lately, I think that my wife has been fooling around because our parrot keeps saying, ‘Give it to me hard and fast before my husband, Jon Katz, comes home; and, yes, I’d love a cracker.’

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Marriage Wives