Subject: Miscellaneous

A bumblebee is faster than a tractor.

Caught with your pants down.

My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird.

(1963 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Peep of day

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Watermelon talk

It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

Peter Marshall: Dale Evans recently revealed the three secrets behind her happy marriage with Roy Rogers. Now listen carefully… "We work together, we pray together and we're darn good…" What?

Paul Lynde: In the saddle.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor

I'll snatch you baldheaded.

I ate dinner last night at a friend of mine’s house and he has – what do you call those things? … a baby.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

If you ever get some outer-space guy in a headlock, and his head starts throbbing and glowing different colors, don’t let go; that just means the headlock is working.

He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.

Don't gobble in the woods during hunting season.

You could grow potatoes in those dirty ears.

I wanted wine, women and song… I got a drunk woman singing.

(1967 – ) English comedian

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection; I guess that’s what I hated about him.

Sip 'N See

Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad, and theology makes them sinful.”

(1483 – 1546) German monk, Catholic priest & professor of theology

We live by the Golden Rule: those who have the gold make the rules.

(1914 –2008) American baseball executive

If growing up in the ’80s taught me one thing, it’s that my friends and I should have found a treasure map by now.