Subject: Miscellaneous

It daddied itself

It's come a cloud.

That poor boy’s so slow, it would take him two hours to watch 60 minutes.

A Boy Named Sue

Whenever you see a bunch of Italian guys talking Italian, just go up to them and start talking fake Italian. They may not understand you exactly, but at least everyone will get a nice warm “Italian” feeling.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

About half.

Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 – 1963) Italian pope

Knee high to a grasshopper

He’d argue with a wall as long as it’d stand there and take it.

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I’m a coward.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

To “love on you”

I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

Wasn’t to no age.

I was Caesarean born; you can’t really tell, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Just because there is a rat in the barn doesn’t mean you need to burn it down.

Planted corn before the fence was built

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker; it may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

I've Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman

Slower than molasses in January

You know what makes good hair for a snowman? … real hair; don’t ask me why, but it works.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

He ain't sawing logs, he's clearing brush.

I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can’t hypnotize you.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist