Subject: Miscellaneous

Cooler than a flip side of a down pillow.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber’s calf, he would’ve never started Christianity.

(1974 – ) American comedian

Advice to vampires: why not “do your business” as a bat, not a human; easier that way, and less pollution.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

He’s in a foggery.

When Satan goes ice skatin’ in Hell.

Would you raise that winder down! I'm freezin' my tail off!

That gumbo will make a Chihuahua break a chain.

Let a man skin his own skunk.

It’s funny how annoyed people get when you carry a bullhorn around all the time, even if you don’t use it that often.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

I do not see why I should break my neck because a dog chooses to run after a nasty smell.

(1848 – 1930) British Conservative politician & statesman

He's nuttier than a squirrel shit.

A face like a bee keepers apprentice

Stronger’n a garlic milkshake

He’s like a mule halfway home after plowin’ all day.

You couldn’t catch a catfish in a coffee cup.

He’s livin' in high cotton.

If you’re an ant, and you’re walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

I Hate When That Happens

You learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.

American football player, coach & administrator

Throw the hatchet

He ran like his feet were on fire and his ass was catchin'.

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