Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head; that way, they’d still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn’t eat so much.

Miscellaneous

A face like a welder’s bench

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He’s dumber than owl shit.

Miscellaneous

I used to carry a rabbit’s foot for luck… then it was a monkey’s paw.. now it’s a camel’s toe.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous

I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

Miscellaneous

One of the bad things about panning for gold is maybe sometimes you’ll get a crawdaddy in your pan, and you start to wonder if you should give up on the gold and just go for crawdaddies; I can’t make that decision for you.

Miscellaneous

Empty as a winter rain barrel.

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Going ninety to nothin'

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Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta, grow up.

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Well, butter my biscuit.

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Old as dirt

Miscellaneous

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

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Farmin’ in the woods

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Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.

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Ducktown,  Tennessee

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She’s about a half a bubble off plumb.

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Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

(1946 – ) American comedian
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Everybody’s in the same pew

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The Atlanta Hawks are a bunch of guys who would prefer to pass kidney stones than pass a basketball.

American basketball coach
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I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.

Miscellaneous

I'll snatch you baldheaded.

Miscellaneous