Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.

Miscellaneous

Farmin’ in the woods

Miscellaneous

I organized my stuff and put it in boxes… then I put labels on each of the boxes; now I have a box full of razor blades labeled “Plan B.”

American comedian
Miscellaneous

Well, that puts the tassel on the cap.

Miscellaneous

You need to dance with them what brung you.

Miscellaneous

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous

Advice to vampires: why not “do your business” as a bat, not a human; easier that way, and less pollution.

Miscellaneous

Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the stilts? … it probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.

Miscellaneous

Good news rarely comes in a brown envelope.

(1909 – 1976) British army officer, company director & politician
Miscellaneous

Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, “You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.”
Yeah, I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

Miscellaneous

I'll slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleepin.

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He’s not wrapped too tight.

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You’re barking up the wrong tree.

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Let a man skin his own skunk.

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I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.

American writer
Miscellaneous

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

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Piss on the fire and call in the dogs.

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Give a 50 cent answer for a nickel question.

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I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

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I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.

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Wilder than a March hare

Miscellaneous