Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Miscellaneous
(Page 4)
Wachtler Tells Graduates That Life in Jail is Demeaning
The Buffalo News
Headlines
Miscellaneous
He has more information than a Sears Roebuck catalog.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
He knows it all.
Other expressions
It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Rain
She’s totin’ the high leg.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
In my opinion anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy.
Miscellaneous
I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication
Miscellaneous
Speech
Helium
Telephone Man
Meri Wilson
Miscellaneous
They live just a hoot and a holler down the road.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Referring to someplace close by
I’m fair to middlin’.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
I'm doin' okay
Other expressions
So so
He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Incompetence
Other expressions
If you can't hang with the big dawgs, get off the porch!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Same as ‘if you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen’
My father used to beat me with his belt… while it was still on him.
Zach Galifianakis
(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Miscellaneous
She's got mud all over her from bum hole to breakfast time.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Covered from head to toe
Other expressions
I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.
Bob Saget
(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous
Wordplay
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,Sermons and soda-water the day after.
George (Lord) Byron
(1788 – 1824) English poet
Miscellaneous
It’s funny how annoyed people get when you carry a bullhorn around all the time, even if you don’t use it that often.
Miscellaneous
Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes?Jim: Well, what did you decide?
Christopher Lloyd
(1938 – ) American actor
Miscellaneous
As Jim Ignatowski in “Taxi”
I think my friend Jeff is gay; I don’t know – I’m so bad with names.
Anthony Jeselnik
(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Miscellaneous
Gay
She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw
Various artists
Miscellaneous
Written by Dan Simons & Jason Maffucci
Like a sow needs a sidesaddle
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Needless
Other expressions
I’d like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he’s flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground; now that’s a documentary!
Miscellaneous
Page 4 of 75
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