Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 4)

Wachtler Tells Graduates That Life in Jail is Demeaning

He has more information than a Sears Roebuck catalog.

It’s raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up.

She’s totin’ the high leg.

In my opinion anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Telephone Man

They live just a hoot and a holler down the road.

I’m fair to middlin’.

He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer.

If you can't hang with the big dawgs, get off the porch!

My father used to beat me with his belt… while it was still on him.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

She's got mud all over her from bum hole to breakfast time.

I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet

It’s funny how annoyed people get when you carry a bullhorn around all the time, even if you don’t use it that often.

Bobby Wheeler: We were wondering if you would join us for a few minutes?

Jim: Well, what did you decide?

(1938 – ) American actor

I think my friend Jeff is gay; I don’t know – I’m so bad with names.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

She Broken My Heart, So I Broke His Jaw

Like a sow needs a sidesaddle

I’d like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he’s flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground; now that’s a documentary!