Subject: Money

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around encouraging young things to grow.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab… the movie cost me $95.00.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

Lunch is on me.

(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive

Expenditure rises to meet income.

He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Talk is cheap – except when Congress does it.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer

The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Markets can remain irrational a lot longer than you and I can remain solvent.

American financial analyst & commentator

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace, which I think is fine, cause if we didn’t make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

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