Subject: Money

Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get re-elected; those who propose structural changes to prevent problems get early retirement.

It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three-thousand dollars; that bothered my dad at the time because he didn’t have that kind of dough… but he eventually scraped it up.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

You might be a redneck if… you think the stock market has fence around it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Put your monkey where your mouth is.

The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality

Let the kids pay it – they still owe us rent and gas money.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve; run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened; keep the company of bums and you will become a bum; hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

If the Lord had more respect for money, He would have given it to a higher class of people.

(1928 – 2014) American actor

If you think that education is expensive, try ignorance.

(1930 – ) American lawyer & educator

Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax; he just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

When a man says money can do anything… he hasn't got any.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor