Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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You've no idea what it costs to keep the old man in poverty.
(1900 – 1979) British statesman & naval officer
Of Mahatma Gandhi
The Jack Benny I knew threw his money around… not far – but he threw it.
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.
David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Passing the buck
Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?
(1952 – ) comedian
No gold-digging for me… I take diamonds!
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.
(1861 – 1950) American writer
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”
(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
Butler's Law of Progress
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.
Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.
(1919 – 1997) American businessman
One man's wage rise is another man's price increase.
(1916 – 1995) British politician & prime minister
I don't like talking about money; all I know is the good Lord must have wanted me to have it.
professional basketball player, coach & executive
After signing a lucrative contract
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
(1863 – 1947) automobile industrialist
If men knew how to do it, they wouldn’t have to pay for it.
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Her business seems to be doing well; it must be very
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.
There is no stronger craving in the world than that of the rich for titles, except that of the titled for riches.
(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director
Sure, it's nice to win; but there's only one thing that's important to me and that's the money we're going to get, win or lose.
professional baseball player
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all the other coins will roll out of sight.
Rush's Rule of Gravity
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