Subject: Money

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace, which I think is fine, cause if we didn’t make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

I know when I'm having sex with a woman, she's thinking about love and marriage and romance, and I'm thinking, 'A hundred bucks?… I can't afford this.'

comedian

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year; they don’t realize that most of us only make $500,000.00.

professional baseball player

If horse racing is the sport of kings, then drag racing must be the sport of queens.

boxing writer & sports historian

1. You can't get anything without working for it.
2. The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
3. You can only break even at absolute zero.

Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

It isn’t enough for you to love money… it’s also necessary that money should love you.

(1840 – 1915) British banker & politician

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

(1894 – 1962) poet

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.

(1908 – 1994) American actor

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

So far, I haven’t heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code… they don’t like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

Rule No.1: Never lose money, Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

(1930 – ) financier & investment businessman

I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.













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