Subject: Money

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

You might be a redneck if… you think the stock market has fence around it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You're never too poor for good toilet paper.


Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright

If you’re wondering if you have enough money to take the family out to eat tonight, you don’t.

(1917 – 1994) American writer

You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.

People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year; they don’t realize that most of us only make $500,000.00.

professional baseball player

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing – and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

The CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer

Nobody ever said that capitalism guarantees profit.

(1947 – ) American economist

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist