Subject: Money

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor

1. If you want something badly, that's how you get it. 2. Many "get-rich-quick" schemes make millionaires – out of multi-millionaries.

I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention.

Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax; he just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I was so poor growing up if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing; it's called the stock market.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Bank failures are caused by depositors who don’t deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

Free advice is worth the price.


A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace, which I think is fine, cause if we didn’t make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

Anyone with money to burn will always find himself surrounded by people with matches.

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Money isn’t everything as long as you have enough.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Rich widows are the only secondhand goods that sell at first-class prices.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

comedian, counselor & speaker

Telephone psychics are better at making fortunes than at reading them.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
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