Subject: Money (Page 35)

Las Vegas is the oasis of outstretched palms.

English boxing journalist & commentator

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

A fool and his money are soon partying.

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

(1933 – 1997) Anglo-French billionaire financier

Are you buying or selling?

(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

We were poor… if I wasn’t a boy, I wouldn’t have had nothing to play with.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

The most expensive component is the one that breaks.

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist

Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by five or ten.

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I (don’t) want anything ostentatious, no matter what it costs.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.