Subject: Money (Page 4)

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

The wages of sin are unreported.

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser.

(1957 – ) American comedian

The art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of citizen to give to the other.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Commerce: A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Let us all be happy and live within our means, even if we have to borrow the money to do it with.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

When you get something for nothing, you just haven't been billed for it yet.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

BREAKING: Mitt Romney will embark on a three-nation foreign trip to visit his money.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones who never have it.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

The Yankees don’t pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality