Subject: Murphy’s Laws

Murphy’s Laws:

Various “laws,” axioms, principles and observations that usually convey a cynical view of life and an underlying sense of futility. Most do not prove, or even explain anything, but rather simply state a maxim – usually that things will go wrong.

A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.

If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very good.

Cut to fit – beat into place.

Those who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service.

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.

Those with the best advice offer no advice.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

(1918 – 1990) American aerospace engineer

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

1. The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it. 2. The probability that a household pet will raise a fuss is directly proportional to the number and importance of your guests.

Any new activity will cause more trouble than you can possibly imagine.

When the issue is trivial, and everyone understands it, debate is almost interminable.

Join clauses good like a conjunction should.

The bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes.

Money isn’t everything as long as you have enough.

Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.

The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

1. Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
2. You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
3. A red light means the next six cars may go through the intersection.

It is impossible to distinguish, from a distance, whether the bureaucrats associated with your project are simply sitting on their hands, or frantically trying to cover their asses.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.