Subject: Murphy’s Laws

Murphy’s Laws:

Various “laws,” axioms, principles and observations that usually convey a cynical view of life and an underlying sense of futility. Most do not prove, or even explain anything, but rather simply state a maxim – usually that things will go wrong.

Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.

Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.

If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle and start reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you'll just be the thirteenth clown.

If you mess with something long enough, it'll break.

It is the essence of grantsmanship to persuade the foundation executives that it was they who suggested the research project and that you were a belated convert, agreeing reluctantly to all they had proposed.

The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it's compromising.

The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and to the need for success.

Flattery is the sincerest form of lying.

Men and nations will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.

When dangling, don't use participles.

A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.

The number of rational hypotheses that can explain any given phenomenon is infinite.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Nothing is a temporary as that which is called permanent.

Corollary: Nothing is a permanent as that which is called temporary.

Any action for which there is no logical explanation will be deemed "company policy."

It (housework) expands to fill the time available plus half an hour: so obviously it is never finished.

There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry.

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

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