Subject: People

You might be a redneck if… your high school basketball game got rained out.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Your best friends are those who speak well of you behind your back.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist

I love mankind – it's people I can't stand.

cartoon character in, Peanuts, by Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000)

If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

(1956 – ) American comedian

We are for the underdog, no matter how much of a dog he is.

(1898 – 1991) U.S. senator (Kentucky) & Major League Baseball commissioner

When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers; we haven’t spoken since.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they' ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good.

Figures won’t lie, but liars can figure.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

You might be a redneck if… your school fight song is Dueling Banjos.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

The Hunger Site