Subject: People » Friends

I got my period today; I’m happy ’cause most of my friends got it when they were 13.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

One thing your friends will never forgive you is your happiness.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist

I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

You want a friend in Washington?… get a dog.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

You know how your friends are all morons, and they got the stories wrong all the time?… it’s the same here with the Bible.

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer

I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.

(1933 – 2006) politician

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

It was tough growing up in Florida because all my friends were retired.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author

When you are down and out something always turns up – and it is usually the noses of your friends.

(1915 – 1985) stage & film actor & director

Ask anybody over 30 – if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know they’re counting co-workers.

American comedian & television host

An old friend will help you move; a good friend will help you move a dead body.

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them.

(1903 – 1966) English writer

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

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