Subject: People » Girls

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

If you treat a girl like a dog, she’s going to piss on you.

(1964 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician

Girls just want to have funds.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.

(1824 – 1895) French writer

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

(1920 – 1985 Russian-born American actor of stage & film

Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Girls are like pianos… when they're not upright, they're grand.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor

I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

(1956 – ) American comedian

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

There’s a reason it’s called ‘Girls gone wild’ and not ‘Women gone wild;’ when girls go wild they show their tits to people; when women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1940 – ) American stand-up comedian

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

If the Bible has taught us anything – which it hasn't – it's that girls should stick to girl's sports like hot oil wrestling…

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

They put me in Special Ed because they thought I was slow, but I stayed in Special Ed for the ladies.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker

Girls are just friends who give you erections.

(1948 – ) British novelist, screenwriter & playwright
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