Subject: People » Men

Men are only as loyal as their options.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

Fifty percent of America’s population spends less than ten dollars a month on romance; you know what we call these people? … Men.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

The number of women a man find attractive is truly proportionate to his age.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do; a woman must do what he can't.

(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress

A man leaves a woman for another woman, but a woman leaves a man for herself.


There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

You have nooo idea… the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

A woman without a man is like a fish needs a bicycle.

(1988 – 1990) Australian writer & politician

Women deprived of the company of men pine, men deprived of the company of women become stupid.

(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician

Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.

(1899 – 1974) French screenwriter, teacher & journalist

One thing in which the sexes are equal is in thinking that they're not.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

That’s why they’re man’s best friend… ‘cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are; so do women, but they’ve already got men

(1957 – ) American comedian

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

They took a survey: “Why do men get up in the middle of the night?” Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds… the other 19 are shame.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
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