Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
View All Authors
Men are only as loyal as their options.
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house?… look inside your pants and if you find a penis in there, it's not time.
(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Fifty percent of America’s population spends less than ten dollars a month on romance; you know what we call these people? … Men.
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
The number of women a man find attractive is truly proportionate to his age.
The Dirty-Old-Man Axiom
A man's got to do what a man's got to do; a woman must do what he can't.
(1951 – ) American stand-up comic & actress
A man leaves a woman for another woman, but a woman leaves a man for herself.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
You have nooo idea… the difference in sex drive between a man and woman is like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it.
(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist
A woman without a man is like a fish needs a bicycle.
Patricia 'Irina' Dunn
(1988 – 1990) Australian writer & politician
Women deprived of the company of men pine, men deprived of the company of women become stupid.
(1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician
Most of the men sitting in first class on an airplane have really boring jobs.
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
One man's folly is another man's wife.
(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.
(1899 – 1974) French screenwriter, teacher & journalist
One thing in which the sexes are equal is in thinking that they're not.
(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
That’s why they’re man’s best friend… ‘cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are; so do women, but they’ve already got men
(1957 – ) American comedian
Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.
They took a survey: “Why do men get up in the middle of the night?” Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds… the other 19 are shame.
(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.
(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Page 1 of 18
Copyright © Just-One-Liners.com