Subject: People » Men

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

America is a land where men govern, but women rule.

(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Behind every great man there lies a great woman… and one in front of him as well if he’s lucky.

(1967 – ) English comedian

A woman without a man is like a fish needs a bicycle.

(1988 – 1990) Australian writer & politician

Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


Only a man who has loved a woman of genius can appreciate what happiness there is in loving a fool.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

American actor & comedian

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I know what men want; men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

(1952 – ) comedian

Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn’t have to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Men are like lawnmowers: they’re hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.

(1901 – 1978) anthropologist

A study shows that ninety per cent of men inflate the number of their sex partners, while the other ten per cent inflate their sex partners.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host

Men are simple things; they can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

Diana Jordan American humorist & author
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