Subject: People » Men

Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

If men knew how to do it, they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Men are very strange.; when they wake up in the morning they want things like toast. I don’t have those recipes

(1952 – ) comedian

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence; when men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.

(1943 – ) American psychologist, author

Taste: (female Interpretation): Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good;   (male Interpretation): Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Beware of men who cry; it's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian

I want a man who’s kind and understanding; is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

(1917 – ) Hungarian-born American actress

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women?

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor

Nothing with a plug on it, nothing worn directly next to the skin, no clothing that will turn out to be too small rather than too big, and nothing that you actually want for yourself and are trying to disguise as a gift.

Man has his will, but woman has her way.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Let men see what's coming to them, and women will get what's coming to them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author

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