Subject: People (Page 120)

You might be a redneck if… you think the winter Olympic sport of curling is part of the “Big Hair” competition.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Hair People Rednecks

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Alcohol Food/Drink People

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter
Appearance Body People

There are some people who, if they don’t already know, you can’t tell ‘em.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
People Yogi-isms

Life is strange; every so often a good man wins.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Characteristics Individuals Life People Success

If I was “The Bachelor” we’d all play Mario Kart for eight weeks… then I’d pick the one with the biggest boobs.

American comedian
People Situations Women

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Communication Definitions Fools Language People

At any particular time, there are more horse's asses in the world than horses.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People

I'm not indecisive; am I indecisive?

(1947 – ) American politician & mayor
Characteristics Self

All right, brain, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People Self TV/Movie Quotes

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is, not even the Irish.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
People Places

The average man thinks about sex every… what were we talking about?

(1964 – ) American comedian
Men People Sex

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. a best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Friends People

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Relationships Self

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight; when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Body Fat Men People Women

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading; nobody does it so why talk about it?

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
England People Places Sex

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Age Fools Friends People Self

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Men People Sex Women

A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
People

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink People