Subject: People (Page 121)

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

(1905 – 1982) American mystery writer (co-author of Ellery Queen stories

No man goes before his time… unless the boss leaves early.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

If you are flattering a woman, it pays to be a little more subtle; you don’t have to bother with men, they believe any compliment automatically.

(1939 – ) English playwright

Some people feel the rain – others just get wet.

(1936 – 1992) singer, songwriter, musician & actor

It is hard for the ape to believe that he has descended from man.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

You might be a redneck if… you think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home… there's always something.

(1884 – 1949) American humorist & literary critic

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

At least Charles Manson has the decency to look crazy from the moment you meet him.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

Giving Northerners unbuttered instant grits is an old remedy for getting rid of tourists.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

A friend in need is a pest.

(1925 – ) English actor

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer

Never criticize Americans… they have the best taste that money can buy.

(1941 – 2008) British journalist, musician &broadcaster

Woman: A person who needs a shoe larger on the inside than outside.

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Someone who looks like Marilyn Monroe and talks like George S. Kaufman.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer

People say to me, “You’re not feminine;” well, they can just suck my d**k.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
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