Subject: People (Page 121)

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Any man who hates dogs and babies can’t be all bad.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.

(1960 – ) American actress

I hope there’s a tinge of disgrace about me; hopefully, there’s one good scandal left in me yet.

(1938 – ) English actress

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger

The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check… the second time you look to see if the basement has termites; it's the same with men.

(1908 – 1944) Mexican actress

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer

I'm always into a positive black image. Whenever Leon Spinks fights I always pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let them interview Leon on TV.'

American television personality

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds; a pessimist fears the same may be true.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

(1912 – 1987) Hungarian-born British author

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host