Subject: People (Page 2)

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

(1929 – ) American media critic

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde—dyed by her own hand.

(1915 – 2005) Canadian writer

You might be a redneck if… you think a "quarter horse" is that ride in front of Kmart.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

At all those banquets, stars get up and give credit to their coaches and parents; I give credit to no one; I made myself what I am today.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

You might be a redneck if… you've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

My cholesterol count has a comma.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian

A consultant is someone you pay a hundred-dollars-an-hour to give you the same advice you ignore from your assistant.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

No man goes before his time… unless the boss leaves early.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I often confuse Americans and Canadians… by using long words.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

The Hunger Site