Subject: People (Page 5)

If he wants breakfast in bed, tell him to sleep in the kitchen.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

(1819 – 1875) English priest, university professor, historian & novelist

Bores bore each other too; but it never seems to teach them anything.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.

(1895-1957) Canadian historian

You might be a redneck if… you just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter

We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers; they could call it On Anon Anon.

(1959 – ) American comedian

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

The man who has a girl in every port is not a sailor but a wholesaler.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

The poor and ignorant will continue to lie and steal as long as the rich and educated show them how.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

I’m not a lesbian… but I play one in the home movies my husband forces me to make.

(1996 – ) American comedian

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

A man can be called ruthless if he bombs a country to oblivion; a woman can be called ruthless if she puts you on hold.

(1934 – ) American feminist, journalist, & social & political activist

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist

You might be a redneck if… you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.

(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
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