Subject: People (Page 5)

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.

(1878 – 1954) American actor of stage, screen & radio

You might be a redneck if… you have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’

(1953 – ) American comedian & television host

Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from Earth?

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her body.

(1664 – 1726) English architect & dramatist

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.

(1907 – 1973) poet & critic

Bureaucrat: A person who cuts red tape sideways. 

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger

I wrote a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment; it's called Man or Myth.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

The bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

Fish and visitors smell in three days.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer

It's like I disprove evolution and intelligent design at once.

(1978 – ) American comic writer

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

(1920 – ) Hungarian writer

There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.

(1911 – 1989) television actress

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

The Animal Rescue Site