Subject: People (Page 7)

You might be a redneck if… your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Wives

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Emotions People Self

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Age Old People Situations

Some quiet guys are inwardly outgoing.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements People Sports

I've pretty much behaved like a knucklehead my entire life.

(1972 – ) American actress & former model
Characteristics People Self

The English find ill-health not only interesting but respectable and often experience death in the effort to avoid a fuss.

(1908 – 1967) English novelist
England Health People Places

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs People

Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angeles to San Francisco live there?

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
People Places

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Children Friends People Travel

When I was about 8 or 9, I was a massive Michael Jackson fan and I wish I had known at the time that I was his type.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
People

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

It's our fault… we should have given him better parts.

(1892 – 1978) Canadian-American film producer (Warner Brothers)
Acting Government People

You can always reason with a German… you can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Insults People

China has a population of a billion people; that means even if you’re a one-in-a-million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Characteristics People Places

Do not punish yourself, you deprive the world of its purpose.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Life Self

Nymphomaniac:  a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Men People Sex Women

Growing up Jewish was a little different; some of the other kids in my neighborhood had diaries; I had a ledger… where I recorded how many diaries I sold to the other kids.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

You might be a redneck if… you got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

(1942 – ) American author and teacher
Intelligence Men People Women

There are more horses’ asses in this world than there are horses.

Animals Murphy’s Laws People