Subject: People » Self

I’m the guy that made Joe DiMaggio famous.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Baseball People Self Sports

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Situations

When I was a Republican, Saddam Hussein was our ally, George Bush owned a mediocre baseball team, Enron was a respected energy company and Michael Jackson was still black.

(1950 – ) Greek American author, columnist & website co-founder
Past People Self Time

Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Murphy’s Laws People Self

Why is it that nobody understands me and everybody likes me?

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics People Self Understanding

All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.

American writer
Intelligence Self

I knew when my career was over; in 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Self Sports

After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you – not one of you – enter!

(1867 – 1957) Italian conductor
People Self

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times.


Intelligence Men People Self Sex

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

I believe in equality; equality for everybody; no matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs Characteristics Self

[I’m someone] who spends his time at parties in the room with the coats and whose idea of a good time is to go down to the bus terminal and pretend I’m going somewhere.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Characteristics People Self

I only have ‘yes’ men around me; who needs ‘no’ men?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
People Self

We have the power to do any damn fool thing we want to do, and we seem to do it about every ten minutes.

(1905 – 1995) U.S. senator (Arkansas)
Government People Self

My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s; he’s 29, I’m 34.

(1980 – ) Australian comedian
Age People Self

I feel like Barbie… years later after she’s seen some things.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
People Self

My parents were very protective; I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited and… placing bets.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family People Self

I am… an inflated swimsuit.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model
Insults People Self

I am much more comfortable in someone else’s skin.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
People Self

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

I was once paged at JFK airport as “Mr. No One.”

(1947 – ) English singer & songwriter
People Self