Subject: People » Self

I am being frank about myself in this book; I tell of my first mistake on page 850.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar

I'm not really the type to wander off and sit down and go through deep wrestling with my soul.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.


If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I'm bald, blind and pale… I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

It does not take a rocket scientist to coach a professional football team, but, of course, I was one of the few who happened to be a rocket scientist.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

I don’t consider myself a pessimist; I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain… and I feel soaked to the skin.

(1934 – ) Canadian singer-songwriter, musician, poet & novelist

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else’s.

(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor

Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs; and then I dance, and they’re like ‘not like that!’

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

Career highlights?… I had two; I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

(1935 – ) screenwriter, author, director & producer

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer

How many advantages can one person have?… I'm a white man!

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

We have the power to do any damn fool thing we want to do, and we seem to do it about every ten minutes.

(1905 – 1995) U.S. senator (Arkansas)

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager

You think of me as narcissistic when actually I'm just oblivious to other people.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur

Some people are widely read – I'm thinly read.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
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