Subject: People » Self

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

There's something about me that makes a lot of people want to throw up.

(1934 – ) American singer & actor

I had a woman come up to me at the airport and say, “I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait.”

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director

I can take any amount of criticism so long as it is unqualified praise.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

You might recognize me… I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

There is only one difference between a madman and me – the madman thinks he is sane… I know I am mad.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter

I’m not a paranoid deranged millionaire; Goddammit, I’m a billionaire.

(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist

Remember to always be yourself… unless you suck.

(1964 – ) screenwriter, executive producer, director, composer & actor

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician; and to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

Where would I be without my sense of direction.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

I don’t think I could be gay… I just don’t have it in me.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I miss being pampered.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

When I got through with him, he was all covered wit' blood… my blood.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor

I’ve performed for twelve presidents… and entertained six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Me and Jake LaMotta grew up in the same neighborhood. You wanna know how popular Jake was? When we played hide and seek, nobody ever looked for LaMotta.

(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right.

(1937 – ) American actor

I’m a man of no convictions… at least I think I am.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

(1956 – ) American comedian

For weeks I’ve been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday, and he still forgot to bring me something.

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