Subject: People » Self

When people ask me what sign I was born under, I say "I'm not certain, but it could have been the one that says 'Dining Car in opposite direction'."

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasize that I was someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid… well that and ‘fagot.'

American comedian

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

You know that creepy-looking guy you stare at two seats behind you, thinking, who would come to a movie by himself? That's me.

(1969 – ) Canadian ice hockey player & executive

My parents were very protective; I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited and… placing bets.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Somebody stole my identity… good luck using it without the medications.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

I don’t like my music, but what is my opinion against that of millions of others.

(1904 – 1988) Austrian-American composer

If I had my life to live over, I wouldn't have time.

(1936 – 1992) singer, songwriter, musician & actor

Whatever is not nailed down is mine; what I can pry loose is not nailed down.

(1821 – 1900) American railroad magnate

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something’s not accurate?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

I had a woman come up to me at the airport and say, “I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like Bobcat Goldthwait.”

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glowworm.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.

(1925 – 1990) American actor

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician; and to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Help veterans in need with one click. The Veterans Site