Subject: People » Self (Page 19)

My beard is the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's look good.

American basketball player
Basketball People Self Sports

Egotism: Usually a case of mistaken nonentity.

(1907 – 1990) American actress
Characteristics Self

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Self

I’m not a paranoid deranged millionaire; Goddammit, I’m a billionaire.

(1905 – 1976) industrialist, aviator, engineer, film producer & philanthropist
Money People Self

I wanna tell you… I was ugly. I was so ugly, I went to the proctologist and he stuck his fingers in my mouth.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake; I feel better already!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Food/Drink Self

Facetime fulfills a secret human desire: to mostly look at yourself while talking to other people.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Computers People Self Things

If people only knew as much about painting as I do, they would never buy my pictures.

(1802 – 1873) English painter
Art Reviews/Criticism Self

Somebody stole my identity… good luck using it without the medications.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
People Self

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

(1952 – ) American columnist & author
People Self Situations

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me and he said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn’t met me yet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

I hope there’s a tinge of disgrace about me; hopefully, there’s one good scandal left in me yet.

(1938 – ) English actress
People Self

They finally found one.

British ski jumper
People Self

My body is a temple; unfortunately, my diet is ISIS.

American comedian
Appearance Body Self

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Hair Self

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Emotions Laughter People Self

Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Self TV/Movie Quotes

All I can say is, if they show my butt in a movie, it better be a wide shot.

(1969 – ) American actress, dancer, singer & entrepreneur
Appearance Body People Self

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body… like a Peanuts character.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Appearance Body People Self

A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication Intelligence People Self Speech