Subject: People » Self (Page 3)

At all those banquets, stars get up and give credit to their coaches and parents; I give credit to no one; I made myself what I am today.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

I am… an inflated swimsuit.

(1966 – ) English dance-pop singer, actress & former model

With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson; without them, I'm fat and 60.

(1937 – ) American actor

In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year… it was my second season in the bigs.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

I’m no cook; when I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves.


If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

It's very expensive to be me; it's terrible the things I have to do to be me.

(1967 – 2007) American model

I don’t like meals for one; it’s not that they make me feel lonely… it’s that they’re not big enough.

(1975 – ) English comedian

Sorry, Peg, I didn’t hear you; I was thinking of killing myself.

(1946 – ) American actor

I saw what’s going on under my chin; I don’t want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

There is only one difference between a madman and me – the madman thinks he is sane… I know I am mad.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My first job consisted of me answering a phone… but it wasn't for me.

British comedian

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me and he said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn’t met me yet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Excuse my dust.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager

I've always tried to be a good American citizen, so I have made it a point not to learn any other language but English.

stand-up comedian

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The sheer immensity of the human self as envisioned by the world's religions is awesome.

(1919 – ) American religious studies scholar