Subject: People » Women

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn't think you're safe when you're out.

American baseball umpire

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

A woman scorned is a woman who quickly learns her way around a courtroom.

(1950 – ) Australian actress

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being… and it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

Woman’s influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Men and women are different; while guy is having sex he's thinking how great it would be with a different woman; while when a woman is having sex she's thinking how lousy it is with this guy.

Canadian comedian & author

I think the reason guys like women in leather outfits so much is because they have that ‘new car’ smell.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

A woman is like a cup of tea; you'll never know how strong she is until she boils.

A woman’s always younger than a man at equal years.

(1806 – 1861) English poet

Women can have multiple orgasms? Right… I’ll believe it when I see it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Dancing is a wonderful training for girls, it’s the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Women’s styles may change, but their designs remain the same.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class; from ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian