Subject: People » Women

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Women aren't as mere as they used to be.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

Melvin: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

(1937 – ) American actor

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

comedian, writer, actor & producer

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

(1901 – 2000) English author

Women reach their sexual peak after 35 years; men reach theirs after about four minutes.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

If women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy.

(1945 – ) Canadian comedian & actor

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.

(1918 – 1986) American lyricist

As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

Ask any woman her age, and nine times out of ten she’ll guess wrong.


Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

His [Ben Affleck's] ideal woman is a stripper with a Budweiser in each hand.

(1972 – ) American actress

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

Women were brought up to believe that men were the answer; they weren’t… they weren’t even one of the questions.

(1946 – ) English writer

They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth; but they can, if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat for 14 hours.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

Many a necklace becomes a noose.

(1888 – 1982) American writer

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
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