Subject: Places

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

(1934 – ) comedian

Rome wasn’t born in a day.

professional baseball player

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal; let me rephrase that – I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.

American comedian & writer

It is not a fragrant world.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.

(1965 – ) American comedian

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

You know I'm the only Iraqi comedian… yeah true… at least that makes us three more than Germany.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

I bet The Walking Deadgets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f••king window, am I right?

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian

… New Jersey?

(1973 – ) American actress

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English.

Hell is paved with good samaritans.

I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist

China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.

(1890 – 1970) French president, general & statesman

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

The Animal Rescue Site