Subject: Places

I can never forgive God for having created the French.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Kinko's is my favorite copy place cause it's open 24 hours, like if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.

(1948 – ) English novelist

I like Florida… everything is in the 80's… the temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

(1931 – ) television newscaster

I miss America. I miss crime and murder. I miss Philadelphia. There hasn't been a brutal stabbing or anything here the last 24 hours. I've missed it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist

In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician

Canada is a country so square that even the female impersonators are women.

(1944 – ) American stand-up comedian actor & author

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices… in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

You gotta be a special kind of hungry to put something in your mouth that you get from a stranger on the streets of Manhattan, especially in Times Square, if you know what I mean.

(1960 – ) American comedian

Nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

(1915 – 1983) American-Canadian fiction writer

One of those Canadian proverbs.

professional baseball player

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist

Where I come from, the valleys are so narrow the dogs have to wag their tails up and down.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer

The more he looked inside the more Piglet wasn’t there.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne

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