Subject: Places

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination.

(1912 – 2006) Romanian-born Canadian writer

Spain's new Prime Minister … announced he will soon call back Spain's 1300 troops from Iraq… meaning the coalition of the willing is fast turning into a duet of the stubborn.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

When I visit China I like to get Chinese food… ff course, over there they just call it food.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist

My local’s rough as anything; I went to the pub quiz the other night… first question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?”

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer

America – a country that has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.

(1905 – 1970) American writer

He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

A government survey reveals the prime minister is doing the work of two men… Laurel and Hardy.

(1930 – 2016) Scottish stand-up comedian, actor, writer & broadcaster

The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense.

(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician

I like Florida… everything is in the 80's… the temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

As we work and sightsee on America’s largest island, we’ll get to view more majestic bears, so now is a good time to draw attention to the political equivalent of the species.

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author

A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible spot.

(1904 – 1979) newspaper editor & professor

We went to Alaska once and they made us honorary Alaskans. Then we went to Hawaii and they made us honorary Hawaiians. We're going to the Virgin Islands this year.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn’t hear it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

If you live in Birmingham [England], then being awake is not necessarily a desirable state.