Subject: Places » America

America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

We’re the greatest country on Earth except when it comes to getting shit done.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism.

(1918 – 1996) U.S. vice president & politician

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter

He’s the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

From the prairies, to the oceans, wide with foam.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was… an Arctic region covered with ice.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

A Canadian is merely an unarmed American with health care. 

Canadian comedian & author

… as American as English muffins and French toast.

(1935 – ) English critic & author

My God, we've had cloning in the South for years… it's called cousins.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

The suburbs are like the bleacher seats of life.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.

(1895-1957) Canadian historian

I often confuse Americans and Canadians… by using long words.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top.

American folksinger & activist