Subject: Places » America

They added up all the people in this country who consider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

If you persecute somebody just because they might look a little different, then you are no better than our country's founding fathers.

American comedian & writer

I dropped out of West Point to become a comedian… probably the greatest service I will ever do for my country.

(1955 – ) American comedian

America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

… as American as English muffins and French toast.

(1935 – ) English critic & author

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

My God, we've had cloning in the South for years… it's called cousins.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

He’s the first president to discover that what the American people want is to be left alone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top.

American folksinger & activist

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

I have a map of the United States… actual size.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

The suburbs are like the bleacher seats of life.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian

In America, you watch Big Brother ; in Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

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