Subject: Places » America (Page 3)

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Ten men in the country could buy the world and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands… but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

I go to New York and I saw a big sign saying “America Loves Smirnoff” and I said to myself, what a country!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist

America is a large friendly dog in a small room; every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.

(1889 – 1975) English historian

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.

(1894 – 1972) King of the United Kingdom

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States; ask any Indian.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

I dropped out of West Point to become a comedian… probably the greatest service I will ever do for my country.

(1955 – ) American comedian

In America, you watch Big Brother; in Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States; the only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.

(1903 – 1983) American radio and television broadcaster & entertainer

If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

That is what has made America last these past 200 centuries.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Canadians have been so busy explaining to the Americans that we aren't British, and to the British that we aren't Americans that we haven't had time to become Canadians.

Canadian writer & speaker

What middle class? … there's only seven people left in the middle class – who cares about them?

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host