Subject: Places » America (Page 5)

First of all, I don't see America having problems.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. Well, I didn't live in this century.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

American husbands are the best in the world; no other husbands are so generous to their wives, or can be so easily divorced.

(1864 – 1943) English writer

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

The Americans are a funny lot; they drink whiskey to keep them warm, then they put ice in it to make it cool; then they put some sugar in it to make it sweet and then they put a slice of lemon in it to make it sour, then they say, “Here’s to you” and drink it themselves.

(1904 – 1976) Indian politician

Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

In America, you watch Big Brother; in Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

We might as well give them ours, we aren’t using it.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

That is what has made America last these past 200 centuries.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president

I’ve been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks; the rest of them take after the other side of the family.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality