Subject: Places » Canada

I often confuse Americans and Canadians… by using long words.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fisherman.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

The Canadian military is like Switzerland's… without the knife.

Canadian comedian & author

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland.

(1937 – 2012) New Zealand author

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me; I said, “Well, what do you need?”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist

A Canadian is merely an unarmed American with health care. 

Canadian comedian & author

I have to spend so much time explaining to Americans that I am not English and to Englishmen that I am not American that I have little time left to be Canadian.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

You have to know a man awfully well in Canada to know his surname.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada

Quebec is part of Canada as much as a cat in the mouth of a crocodile is a part of the crocodile

(1942 – ) Canadian politician

The great themes of Canadian history are as follows: Keeping the Americans out, keeping the French in, and trying to get the Natives to somehow disappear.

(1964 – ) Canadian writer & novelist

When they said Canada, I thought it was up in the mountains somewhere.

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Canadians have been so busy explaining to the Americans that we aren't British, and to the British that we aren't Americans that we haven't had time to become Canadians.

Canadian writer & speaker

It’s going to be a great country when they finish unpacking it.

(1943 – ) Canadian author & newsman

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations – it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.

(1913 – 1987) Canadian journalist

I'm the best heavyweight in Canada and I'll still be the best when I'm dead seven years.

Canadian boxing champion

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts; our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician

Canada has never been a melting pot; more like a tossed salad.

(1946 – 1990) English/Canadian writer & broadcaster

An optimist in Canada is someone who thinks things could be worse.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician

I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian