Subject: Places (Page 3)

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

North Miami is one of those exits off I-95 where you say, 'Damn it, I don't need gas that bad.'

comedian

England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.

(1934 – ) comedian

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Canadians are Americans with no Disneyland.

(1937 – 2012) New Zealand author

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The French, they say, live to eat; the English, on the other hand, eat to die.

(1949 – ) English novelist

It's a scientific fact; for every year a person lives in Hollywood, they lose two points of their IQ.

(1924 – 1984) American author

I get to go to lots of overseas places… like Canada.

(1981 – ) American singer

There are no good roles for Indians in Hollywood, unless you’re shooting at Jack Bauer or looking for White Castle.

American actor

When I started here I worked in a place where the Sky Room was on the second floor.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

Venezuela! Great, that's the Italian city with the guys in the boats, right?

American boxing promoter

Small Town: A place where nothing happens every minute.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

Irish people are Italians who can’t dress, Jamaicans who can’t dance.

(1960 – ) Irish singer-songwriter, musician, philanthropist & publicity seeker

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I was well warned about English food, so it did not surprise me, but I do wonder sometimes, how they ever manage to prise [lever] it up long enough to get a plate under it.

(1910 – 1997) American writer

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter

The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can’t get out and those outside don’t want to get in.

(1864 – 1936) American newspaper editor & writer