Subject: Places (Page 43)

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.

(1924 – 2014) American actress & model
Divorce Hollywood Marriage Places

If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

American author
Entertainment Music Places

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Conflict Places

Even the police have an unlisted number.

(1908 – 1996) actor & comedian
Government Hollywood Law Things

Englishmen think over a compliment for a week, so that by the time they pay it, it is addled, like a bad egg.

(1863 – 1930) British novelist & playwright
England People Places

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
America Golf Government People Sports Taxes

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes…

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Things

Working in Hollywood does give one a certain expertise in the field of prostitution.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Places

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

In America, you watch Big Brother; in Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

The whole world is turning into a regular Sodom and Glocca Morra.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Places

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Activities Places Things Travel

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Places Science/Weather Things

I moved to New York for my health; I’m paranoid, and New York was the only place where my fears were justified.

Fear Health New York City Places

Baseball is the belly of society. Straighten out baseball and you'll straighten out the rest of the world.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Places Sports World

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

The train system is so chronic now, that any journey you undertake by train in Britain is identical to the one taken by Omar Sharif in Doctor Zhivago.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
England Places

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

Brooklyn is the only place where a guy can open up a candy store sell no candy and gross over eight million dollars a year.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Money Places

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Food/Drink Places

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places