Subject: Places » World

In a perfect world, a fair world, Bob Hayes should be forced to carry a small calf on his shoulder when he runs the dashes…Mark Spitz, in all fairness, would swim with a sea anchor…[and] Ella Fitzgerald must sing every note with a mouth full of Tootsie Rolls.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

The world is round; it has no point.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.

(1918 – 1990) American actress & singer

World: A place that was built in six days – and looks it.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

A New Zealander in a frenzy is an American in a coma.

(1970 – ) New Zealand stand-up comedian & radio & television personality

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.

(1908 – 1965) American broadcast journalist & newscaster

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush,’ ‘Dick,’ and ‘Colon.’

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.

(1942 – ) Canadian politician

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.

(1888 – 1989) American composer & lyricist

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & writer

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