Subject: Places » World

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

What this world needs is a damned good plague.

How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.

(1908 – 1965) American broadcast journalist & newscaster

There is no doubt in my mind when history was written, the final page will say: Victory was achieved by the United States of America for the good of the world.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

(1880 – 1964) Irish dramatist

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.

(1918 – 1990) American actress & singer

The world gets better every day – then worse again in the evening.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

In a perfect world, a fair world, Bob Hayes should be forced to carry a small calf on his shoulder when he runs the dashes…Mark Spitz, in all fairness, would swim with a sea anchor…[and] Ella Fitzgerald must sing every note with a mouth full of Tootsie Rolls.

(1919 – ) American sportswriter

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

Don't let the whole world come here and see our stuff; it just pisses them off.

television executive & comedian

Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The world is round; it has no point.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into [a store] and punched someone in the face.

English musician, actor, writer & comedian

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

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