Subject: Problems

The leading cause of hot air balloon crashes is blowing an open flame into a f**king cloth balloon with a basket attached.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer

That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

It isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but rather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think if they are not to go wrong.

When taking something apart to fix a minor malfunction, you will cause a major malfunction.

If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

When all else fails, play dead.

(1945 – ) Canadian comedian & actor

General solutions to specific problems become specific problems requiring general solutions.

Automation takes more people to correct the mistakes.

I am not part of the problem, I am a Republican.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

(1888 – 1965) British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet

When my wife drives, there’s always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, “There’s water in the carburetor.” I asked her, “Where’s the car?” She said, “In a lake.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Avoid any action with an unacceptable outcome.

When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly.

To err is human; to purr, feline.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command… very often, that person is crazy.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

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