Subject: Relationships » Dating

You might be a redneck if… your on your first date you had to ask your dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Monica: Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor

I've dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.

(1970 – ) American film & television actress

I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

I was dating an infectious disease doctor, 'cause… two birds.

(1981 – ) American Comedian

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: 1. a date, 2.his wife, 3. a better looking and richer male friend.

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman; still, I've got another three goes.


If you treat a girl like a dog, she’s going to piss on you.

(1964 – ) American singer-songwriter & musician

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her… I just swam to the surface.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I'm dating again, which is very exciting… 'cause I'm married.

comedian

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me; I know guys I wouldn’t go out with.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy… I'm dating a pregnant woman.


I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think… I don’t know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself… you know these kind of girls: ‘I'm hot. I’m on fire… Me, me, me.’

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

We had to break up, though… we wanted different things… like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

(1981 – ) American Comedian