Subject: Relationships » Dating

I once dated a girl that was wild. I took her to a bar. She gave the mechanical bull her phone number.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Whenever I’m about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don’t have to tell her about my herpes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick; a youth with his first girl makes other people sick.

(1880 – ?) American author

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine – we were both crazy about girls.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

You know what they say: ‘Once you go black… your parents don’t talk to you anymore.'

(1981 – ) American Comedian

Monica: Okay, everybody. Relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

(1969 – ) Canadian-American actor

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

Ed, have you noticed that the older you get, the younger your girlfriends get? Soon you’ll be dating sperm.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

Why don't you come up and see me sometime, when I got nothing on but the radio?

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author

You might be a redneck if… your on your first date you had to ask your dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Are we simply romantically challenged… or are we sluts.

(1965 – ) American actress, model, singer & producer

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