Subject: Relationships » Dating

I've dated men my age, younger than me and older and the only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.

(1970 – ) American film & television actress

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me; I know guys I wouldn’t go out with.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

I broke up with this girl… I can't tell you her real name, of course, because – well, she didn't tell me her real name.


To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent; she can't wait to disprove it.

(1904 – 1986) English-American actor

I'm single now, and it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

American comedian

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor

Let's face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night; the only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

(1920 – 1998) English comedy writer, radio & television personality

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky; the woman already knows.

American comedian & writer

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Why don't you come up and have a little… scotch and sofa.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection… she pulled a switchblade on me.

writer, website creator

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian

You know what they say: ‘Once you go black… your parents don’t talk to you anymore.'

(1981 – ) American Comedian

It’s not a date. We’re just agreeing to eat at the same table.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director

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