Subject: Relationships (Page 3)

My sister wanted a cat for a pet… I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Cats Dogs Relationships

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Dating Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws, you will lose a small fortune in the exchange.

Family Money Murphy’s Laws Relationships

I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dance Entertainment Relationships

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

writer & comedian
Characteristics Dating People Relationships Self

I just broke up with my girl friend, I caught her lying… under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Relationships Sex

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Dating Sex

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

He was really into family… he'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.

(1981 – ) American Comedian
Dating Relationships

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Dating Hair

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


Men Relationships Women

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.


Relationships

I like to date school teachers; if you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dating Sex

The number of person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.

Family Murphy’s Laws Relationships

I just want somebody who gets me. Somebody who’s comfortable in my world, and makes me laugh, and occasionally brings me flowers. And… somebody who likes kittens, and the hard-core bondage scene.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Peerless Pauline: I’ve waited so long to find someone like you.

J. Cheever Loophole: Oh, someone like me, I’m not good enough for you, eh?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Relationships

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend… I love this girl… I know I love her because she told me.

American actor & comedian
Dating Emotions Love Relationships

Truce: Friendship.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Relationships

Men, I feel, are like wine – before buying, a real connoisseur takes a small sip, and spits them out.

(1936 – 1993) British writer
Men People Relationships

Maybe you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per man and I’ve used mine up.

(1965 – ) American actress, model, singer & producer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes