Subject: Relationships (Page 4)

I don't have a boyfriend right now; I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

(1967 – 2007) American model

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.


I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

My boyfriend and I used to argue over the duvet; I liked to sleep all stretched out like a starfish… and he liked to sleep with a blonde lady called Leanne.

English comedian & actor

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around, and I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author

I had to go back to New York recently for a family reunion… I walk in there, I look at everyone, and I think: 'I'm getting my tubes tied; that's it; the tree ends here.'

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor

How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.

(1975 – ) actor, director, screenwriter & producer

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it; but first let me introduce myself.

(1982 – ) American author

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.

American author

I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor