Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Relationships
(Page 4)
I don't have a boyfriend right now; I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.
Anna Nicole Smith
(1967 – 2007) American model
Money
Relationships
Boyfriends
My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.
Chris Hobb
comedian
Autos
Communication
Relationships
Bumper stickers
Grandmothers
Telephone
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese… and there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.
Tim Vine
(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Family
People
Relationships
China
Courtship: When a fellow and a girl are always trying to show how smart he is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Relationships
Courtship
Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.
Anonymous
Dating
Definitions
Relationships
Courtship
Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Men
People
Relationships
Bachelor
You still chase women, but only downhill.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating
Old
Birthdays
On turning 70
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.
Linda Festa
Men
Relationships
Women
Taking orders
I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’
Demetri Martin
(1973 – ) American comedian
Dating
Relationships
Things
Cologne
My boyfriend and I used to argue over the duvet; I liked to sleep all stretched out like a starfish… and he liked to sleep with a blonde lady called Leanne.
Laura Lexx
English comedian & actor
Relationships
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around, and I told him, I’m drinking so that
you’re
more fun to be around.
Chelsea Handler
(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Alcohol
Dating
Food/Drink
Relationships
I had to go back to New York recently for a family reunion… I walk in there, I look at everyone, and I think: 'I'm getting my tubes tied; that's it; the tree ends here.'
Cathy Ladman
American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Intelligence
Relationships
Family reunions
How To Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men
Adam Quan
Book Titles
Dating
Relationships
Asians
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
Dave Tyson Gentry
Relationships
Friendship
Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.
Zach Braff
(1975 – ) actor, director, screenwriter & producer
Family
Memory
People
Relationships
Imaginary place
You and I have a love so secret that not even
you
know about it; but first let me introduce myself.
Jarod Kintz
(1982 – ) American author
Emotions
Love
Relationships
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance
Family
Relationships
Beards
My grandmother buried three husbands… and two of them were only napping.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death
Husbands
Marriage
Relationships
Grandmothers
Napping
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking
Eating
Food/Drink
Mothers
Relationships
Holidays
Thanksgiving
Incest: in many parts of the Bible Belt, the most popular form of dating.
‘Chaz’ Bufe
American author
Dating
Relationships
Sex
Incest
I grew up with six brothers; that’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dance
Entertainment
Relationships
Bathroom
Brothers
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