Subject: Relationships (Page 5)

He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Relationships Situations

It’s kinda like grandkids: you just abuse them and turn them back in.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations

You might be a redneck if… you’ve ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Relationships

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

(1917 – 1994) American writer
People Relationships

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Family Mothers Relationships

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? … It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Relationships Situations

There were many reasons we broke up; there was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Girlfriends Relationships Religion

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think… I don’t know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself… you know these kind of girls: ‘I'm hot. I’m on fire… Me, me, me.’

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Dating Relationships

There’s always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it’s my wife’s aerobics instructor.

comedian
Education Relationships

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Relationships

We had to pull the plug on my grandmother ’cause I needed the outlet for my laptop.

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Relationships Situations

Love matches are formed by people who pay for a month of honey with a life of vinegar.

(Countess of Blessington) (1789 – 1849) Irish novelist
Relationships

Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

(1837 – 1920) American author
Insults People Relationships Time

My grandfather’s a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice; one day, he took me aside and left me there.

American comedian
Intelligence Memory Relationships

If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Dating Relationships Situations

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Dating Relationships

If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Relationships

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician
Dating Relationships Sex

If an unmarried woman loses her equilibrium, she should try to fall on a millionaire.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Relationships Women

Poverty keeps together more homes than it breaks up.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Money Relationships