Subject: Reviews/Criticism (Page 27)

The play holds the season’s record, thus far, with a run of four evening performances and one matinée… by an odd coincidence, it ran just five performances too many.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

The Road to Wellville… is basically a… production of a Benny Hill episode.

American film critic

I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

The entire film seems to consist of three thoughts, cycled ad nauseum: Don’t leave me. I can’t live without you. Make me a vampire.

film critic

There’s saccharine writing and then there’s writing that, if you could liquefy it and inject it into the five-year-olds watching this thing, would launch them into space. This is the latter.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

The battle was lost several movies earlier.

musician & film reviewer

This poem will not reach its destination.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

You know when sometimes a film catches fire inside a projector? If it happened with this one, I suspect the audience might cheer.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

writer, editor & film reviewer

If you want to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Hollywood is a cesspool of whoredom and back-door deal-making, just look at the credits of the writers responsible for this monstrous piece of crap.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Whenever I see Denise Richards I tend to say the same thing Dustin Hoffman’s father said in “The Graduate”: ‘plastics’.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

Progressing from nowhere to nothing and leaving only a greasy taste in the mouth as a reward.

writer, editor & film reviewer

Elliot Gould!? What, were George Segal and Ryan ONeal unavailable? Was it “free cheese day” at the celebrity shelter?

American film critic

They say he rides as if he’s part of the horse, but they don’t say which part.

(1896 – 1955) American playwright

You leave eager to tell your friends about the unprecedented awfulness you’ve witnessed.

English movie reviewer

There's less in this than meets the eye.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director

This feature makes Three Stooges Meet Hercules look like a visionary satire.

movie writer, reviewer & columnist

A buxom temptress… more impressive in silhouette than in action.

(1927 – 1980) English theatre critic & writer

Even this comedic triumvirate cannot prevent the script’s biggest feat of magic: making the laughs disappear.

writer & film reviewer

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter