Subject: Science/Weather

The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs.  You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them.  Somebody actually saw Adam and Eve.  No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

American baseball player

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue…and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?… where does the glue go?"

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

What Orwell failed to predict was that we’d buy the cameras ourselves… and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour; sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute; that’s relativity.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

It is so hot… today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)

Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts; our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.


It is so hot… Dick Cheney waterboarded himself.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold, I almost got married.

(1920 – 2006) American actress

It ain't a fit night out for man or beast.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service.

The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.

The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

I ran into Isosceles; he has a great idea for a new triangle!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.

American professional golfer

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