Subject: Science/Weather

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Large Celestial Object Stuns Astronomers

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Wind: Weather on the go.

On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis… sorry – I mean ladder.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer

The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach.

What Orwell failed to predict was that we’d buy the cameras ourselves… and that our biggest fear would be that nobody was watching.

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.

(1912 – 1977) German-born rocket engineer

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.

American baseball player

Sleet: A slipcover.

When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.

American professional golfer

Science has always been too dignified to invent a good backscratcher.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

It is so hot… no shirt, no pants, no problem.

Cancun Temps Plunge to 100-Year Record Low During ‘Global Warming’ Summit!

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist