Subject: Science/Weather

Everything else causes cancer in rats.

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

He has left his body to science… and science is contesting the will.

(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality

The sky is falling… no, I'm tipping over backwards.


Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side

The direction of take-off will be opposite that of the final destination.

In New England there are three times of year… either winter has just been, or winter is coming, or it’s winter.

American author

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight; blue sky at night… day.


What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts – not the facts themselves.

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

Everything is cold except what should be.

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

Never change your plans because of the weather.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Winter: The time of year when it gets later earlier.

You might be a redneck if… you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Physics is like sex; sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort; 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

stand-up comedian & actor

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist













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