Subject: Science/Weather

The direction of take-off will be opposite that of the final destination.

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.

American baseball player

The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional to the inclemency of the weather.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

comedian, counselor & speaker

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Physics is like sex; sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist

I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

(1913 – 1996) Hungarian mathematician

The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.

The most serious charge which can be brought against New England is not Puritanism but February.

(1893 – 1970) American writer, critic & naturalist

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold, I almost got married.

(1920 – 2006) American actress

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Well, evolution's just a” theory;” and, I'm thinking to myself, ‘Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian

Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from nonpractitioners.