Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Science/Weather
(Page 3)
Why are the pictures square if the lens is round?
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather
Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.
Bill Cosby
(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication
Men
People
Science/Weather
Women
Species
It was so cold… the kids at school were using flannel notebooks.
Anonymous
Cold
Exaggerations
Science/Weather
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Science/Weather
Things
Electricity
Lighting
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
Mike Barfield
British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Science/Weather
Chaos Theory
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Cold
Places
Science/Weather
San Francisco
I’d like the window that says “Are you sure you want to do this? “OK/Cancel” to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life.
Aaron Fullerton
Life
Science/Weather
Computers
Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand.
Putt's Law
Murphy’s Laws
People
Science/Weather
Technology
There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the monastery; but if it rains in the afternoon, the procession will take place in the morning.
Church Bulletin
Church Bulletins
Science/Weather
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places
Science/Weather
Ocean
Sponges
The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.
Russell Green
England
Government
Places
Science/Weather
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Science/Weather
Magnetism
Refrigerators
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.
Robert Frost
(1874 – 1963) American poet
Money
Science/Weather
Bank
Umbrella
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
Doug Larson
(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Science/Weather
Plants
Weeds
If the thermometer had been an inch longer we’d all have frozen to death.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Cold
Science/Weather
Situations
Thermometer
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather
Black holes
Space
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
George Carlin
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Science/Weather
Endangered species
Playing in this nice weather really makes me remember all the times I got stung by a bee.
John Madden
(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Misspokements
Science/Weather
Everything is cold except what should be.
Law of Institutional Food
Cold
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Institutions
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body
Mothers
Science/Weather
Hands
Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Psychology
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