Subject: Science » Weather

It is so hot… I saw a robin dipping his worm in iced tea.

(1925 – 2005) television host

It is so hot… Dick Cheney waterboarded himself.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

If the thermometer had been an inch longer we’d all have frozen to death.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

A hurricane you can watch come at you for a week on the TV, and you don't get out of the way; a tornado – you're just in a trailer making meth; next thing you know, it's tipped over.

Canadian comedian

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

I played as  much golf as I could in North Dakota, but summer up there is pretty short. It usually falls on Tuesday.

professional golfer

If [the weather] didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist

Wind: Weather on the go.

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian

The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional to the inclemency of the weather.

It is best to read the weather forecast before we pray for rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

It ain't a fit night out for man or beast.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

It was an ideal day for football – too cold for the spectators and too cold for the players.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.