Subject: Science » Weather

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

No matter how clear the skies are, a thunderstorm will move in 5 minutes after the papers are delivered.

It was so cold… we had lunch at the "Greasy Spoon" – just for the heartburn.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

The day of the big heat wave is the day the office air conditioning breaks down.

It is so hot… potatoes cook underground.

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

A hurricane you can watch come at you for a week on the TV, and you don't get out of the way; a tornado – you're just in a trailer making meth; next thing you know, it's tipped over.

Canadian comedian

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

I played as  much golf as I could in North Dakota, but summer up there is pretty short. It usually falls on Tuesday.

professional golfer

Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.

It ain’t the heat; it’s the humility.

(1925 – ) baseball player, coach & manager

But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 102.

professional golfer

If [the weather] didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional to the inclemency of the weather.

Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out In the Cold

The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.

Sleet: A slipcover.

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