Subject: Sex

I like a big, strong, hardworking man, a man who wakes up early in the morning eager to work hard – day-in and day-out – just working and sweating and sweating and working, and when it’s all over, he showers and goes to his job.

comedian

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

My cousin is gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’m going down so often these days you’d think I was making a blue movie.

English boxer

Losing my virginity was a career move.

(1958 – ) American singer, actress & entrepreneur

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

It is not true that sex degrades women… if it is any good.

(1965 – ) English comedian

All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and woman on the bottom; for three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, ‘Damn, that was good!'

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I don't think I'm good in bed; my husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers; perverted sex involves the whole duck.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.

(1958 – ) Australian author

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

If men knew how to do it, they wouldn’t have to pay for it.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

Before sleeping together today, people should boil themselves.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Peggy: I want sex.

Al: So do I, but I see no reason to drag you into it.

(1946 – ) American actor













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