Subject: Situations (Page 5)

Tradition is what you resort to when you don’t have the time or the money to do it right.

(1905 – 1988) Austrian-born American conductor
Money Situations Time

A manager cannot tell if he is leading an innovative mob or being chased by it.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

Without this great land of ours, we would all drown.

(1914 – ) American comic & actor
Situations

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?


Shopping Situations

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Situations Women

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?


(1924 – ) American businessman, president, CEO of Chrysler Corporation
Autos Situations

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Situations

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

Never accept a ride from a stranger unless he gives you candy.


Situations

You can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

[Extending his hand at a campaign stop] I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?
Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Situations

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark… and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

(1949 – 1982) American comedian, actor & musician
Situations TV/Movie Quotes

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Animals Dogs Life Situations

I had to recently move back home, because my mom was having trouble paying both our rents.

Actress & comedian
Money Situations

There are two tragedies in life; one is not to get your heart’s desire, the other is to get it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Life Situations

He no play-a da game, he no make-a da rules.

(1909 – 2008) U.S. secretary of agriculture
Situations

I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.


Situations

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it is awfully hard to get it back in.

(1926 – 1993) American presidential staffer & Watergate co-conspirator
Problems Situations

The sign said "eight items or less”… so I changed my name to Les.


People Self Situations

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prison they let you play softball on the weekends.

American stand-up comedian
Relationships Situations Sports

The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations