Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
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Alfred E. Neuman
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If you screw things up in tennis, it's 15-love. If you screw up in boxing, it's your ass.
Randall “Tex” Cobb
(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Hockey is a game played by six good players and a home team.
Murray’s Rule of Hockey
Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.
professional baseball player
On the benefits of seeing a therapist
Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him; the smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole.
All hockey players are bilingual; they know English and profanity.
(1928 – ) Canadian professional ice hockey player
Pitching always beats batting — and vice-versa.
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
They're a little bit like money. You don't want to die with them and give them to your kids, so you might as well use them if you need them.
American football coach
On the use of timeouts
When you win you eat better, sleep better and your beer tastes better. And your wife looks like Gina Lollobrigida.
American baseball player
Eating will now be an entirely new ball game. I might have to buy a new pair of trousers.
On his retirement
I’m a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start to eat.
(1925 – ) American professional football player
We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.
(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher; he said, ‘Dave Wehrmeister’s got 11 letters… is that a big enough name for you?
White Sox owner
Playing golf is like going to a strip joint… after 18 holes you’re tired and most of your balls are missing.
(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Tambay’s hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now.
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
If he couldn't chip, he'd be selling cars in San Diego.
professional golfer & commentator
On Phil Mickelson
We know we’re better than this, but we can’t prove it.
American baseball player
There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball; unfortunately, neither of them work.
professional baseball coach
I love boxing. Where else do two grown men prance around in satin underwear, fighting over a belt? … the one who wins gets a purse… they do it in gloves. It's the accessory connection I love.
I’ll be sad to go, and I wouldn’t be sad to go; it wouldn’t upset me to leave St. Louis, but it would upset me to leave St. Louis; it’s hard to explain. You’ll find out one of these days, but maybe you never will.
Canadian-born American hockey player
On a possible trade from the St. Louis
The rest of the field.
American professional golfer
On what he needed to shoot in the final round to win a golf tournament
Harmon Killebrew has enough power to hit home runs in any park – including Yellowstone.
American professional baseball player, manager & executive
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