Subject: Sports

Fore: A golf bawl.

If you start worrying about the people in the stands, before too long you're up in the stands with them.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager

I didn’t hear him because my two Stanley Cup rings were plugging my ears.

Canadian ice hockey goaltender

Nah, I’m just a prizefighter.

(1919 – 1990) American boxing champion

The lights are shining quite darkly.

cricket commentator

Let me know if Cain is able.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

If you believe that [Anna Kournikova's claim that she is a virgin], I've never questioned a call in my life.

American professional tennis player

Kerry, don’t sell yourself short. You’ve made far worse calls than that.

hockey broadcaster

Fred Titmus has two short legs, one of them square.

I don’t mean he missed him, but he just didn’t get him when he put the tag on him.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

The Yankees are only interested in one thing, and I don’t know what that is.

professional baseball player

Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

Baseball is the belly of society. Straighten out baseball and you'll straighten out the rest of the world.

American baseball pitcher

He's ranked number three in Britain, number four in the world. You can't get any higher!

English darts player

Every time a puck gets past me and I look back into the net, I say, ‘uh-oh.'

Canadian ice hockey goaltender

I was hoping I could still be an underwear model after my career is over.

Canadian hockey player

Bill Walton is incredible; if you drop a toothpick on his foot, he'll have a stress fracture.

American basketball coach

It's like an octopus falling out of a tree.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

He could hit better with a broken arm than we could with two good arms.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Hockey is a mans game children can play, the other sports are children’s games that men play.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman