Subject: Sports

One player was lost because he broke his nose; how do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach

Once a pitcher loses his fastball, he has to go to the garbage.

baseball player

Saying that Howard Cosell quit commensating on boxing because it's sleazy is like saying Nixon quit politics because it's crooked.


He'll have a lot of fun. George will keep him in stitches.

boxing physician

Any umpire who lasts five years in the minor leagues deserves to be immortalized; any umpire who lasts ten or more years in the minors deserves to be institutionalized.

(1937 – 1995) American Major League Baseball umpire

This players getting taller thing is getting out of hand. What we need to do is sink the baskets into the floor at each end of the court and recruit midgets.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

The Rangers…

Canadian professional hockey goalie

My handicap is that I don’t have a big enough beer cooler for the back of my golf cart.

professional football player

By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series

(1966 – ) American journalist & novelist

We've made a final offer. We hope [player] Ziggy Palffy will come to his senses. We have NO hope his agent will.

American player, coach & general manager

It does not take a rocket scientist to coach a professional football team, but, of course, I was one of the few who happened to be a rocket scientist.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Ed, you're the second best umpire in the league… the other twenty-three are tied for first.

American baseball player

I know their mother… she'd give them all my plays.

college football coach

Me and George and Billy are two of a kind.

professional baseball player

Vicodin and vodka — the breakfast of champions.

(1918 – 1990) football coach

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.

golf writer

 It’s obvious these Russian swimmers are determined to do well on American soil.

British swimmer & sports commentator

They don't mind after they find out they don't have to study for it.

American football coach

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing – but none of them serious.

English professional boxer

I spent $3 million on drink and $3 million on gambling, but I wasted the rest.

professional golfer

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