Subject: Sports

We were so poor a robber once broke into our house and we ended up robbing the robber.

American football player

It’s a nice bonus but, you know, I have to pay taxes too.

professional tennis player

We lost some mighty good boys from last year because of paroles, but, crime being what it is, we've picked up some good ones since then, too.

basketball coach

Any minute now we will have the East German pole vault over the satellite.

British sports commentator

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.

professional football player

All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him; in no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

That boy couldn't hit the ground if he fell out of an airplane.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

Many mens have fell and stumbled when they meet big George in that square jungle.

Ukrainian heavyweight boxing champion

Playing football in the morning is like eating cabbage for breakfast.

The new asphalt is like putting a tuxedo on a rattlesnake.

American auto racer

As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

There are three things in the world that he held in the smallest esteem – slugs, poets and caddies with hiccups.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

So I'm ugly; I never saw anyone hit with his face.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

There are two things that won’t last long in this world – dogs that chase cars and pros that putt for pars.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

The Cincinnati Reds are like a drill team; they should be managed by Jack Webb.

American baseball pitcher

That one is so far right Michael Moore could make a documentary about it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

I've seldom seen a horny player walk into a bar and not let out exactly what he did for a living.

(1947 – ) professional baseball player

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.

(1927 – ) British journalist & author

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