Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
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Alfred E. Neuman
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The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.
(1937 – ) football coach, sportscaster, author & speaker
I remember in Pittsburgh we had no players and the ones we did have wanted to stay at the hotel by the fire. I was ticked because that's where I wanted to stand.
(1923 – 2001) American football coach
On a loss to Pittsburgh on a very cold day
I believe in higher education… you know, 6'8", 6'9", 6'10."
He had the ability of taking a bad situation and making it immediately worse.
(1881 – 1965) American Major League Baseball executive
Of Leo Durocher
A fellow has to have faith in God above and Rollie Fingers in the bullpen.
(1922 – ) American baseball player & manager
I was like a pig with a wristwatch.
American auto racer
On the Gibson guitar he won at a race in Nashville
You have really solidified the Mets' centerfield problem.
(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
During an interview with outfielder Daryl Boston
They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it.
When asked whether he'd like to join the Royal and Ancient Golf Club
You have to give 100 percent in the first half of the game and if that isn’t enough, in the second half, you have to give what is left.
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
professional basketball player
On his response to making the All-Interview Team
There are two things that won’t last long in this world – dogs that chase cars and pros that putt for pars.
(1942 – ) American professional golfer
I never thought you could win a Pulitzer just for quoting Tommy Lasorda correctly.
(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
He's the kind of player who usually comes along rarely and sometimes never.
(1927 – ) American football coach
Referring to defensive tackle Alan Page
His detractors faulted him for over managing and for giving more signs than the Coast Guard.
Norman L. Macht
On manager Gene Mauch
You’ll never make a footballer while ever your arse points to the ground.
English football player & manager
To a young player
First year, a .500 season – second year, a conference championship – third year, undefeated – fourth year, a national championship – and in the fifth year, we’ll be on probation, of course.
Paul 'Bear' Bryant
1913 – 1983) American college football coach
Outlining a five-year plan for success
He can be as good as he wants to be, that's how good he can be.
English football player & announcer
Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.
British golf writer & commentator
I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.
(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality
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