Subject: Sports

Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can't play football worth a damn.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

It is better to give a lick than receive one.

American football player

Now, if you’ll observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of two things: balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination, and a killer’s instinct!

(1930 – ) American actor

His detractors faulted him for over managing and for giving more signs than the Coast Guard.

baseball writer

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

There’ll be only one winner now – in every sense.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

If defensive linemen’s IQs were 5 points lower, they’d be geraniums.

American football player

Once we were whining losers, but now we’re arrogant winners.

Buffalo Bills public relations man

Singles hitters drive Fords, home run hitters drive Cadillacs.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

Well, I guess I was just in the right place at the right time.

Dominican baseball player

When he put out his arms to celebrate, [after scoring his second goal] the rest of us skated immediately to the bench and left him there all alone.

Canadian hockey player

Oh God, if there be cricket in heaven, let there also be rain.


Golfing excellence goes hand in hand with alcohol, as many an Open and Amateur champion has shown.

British golf writer & commentator

Once when I'd been in a lot of bunkers, my caddie told me he was getting blisters from raking so much.

American professional golfer

Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.

British commentator

There are two reasons for making a hole in one; the first is that it is immensely labor-saving.

It would be unprintable on television.

English cricketer

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

When Charlie Finley had his heart operation it took eight hours…. seven just to find his heart.

professional baseball pitcher

Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.

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