Subject: Sports

Sure, the home-field is an advantage — but so is having a lot of talent.

(1961 – ) American football player

Most of his home runs were hit on artificial turf.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

When I looked at the third base coach for a sign, he turned his back on me.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

If Stan (Bowles) could pass a betting shop like he can pass a ball he’d have no trouble at all.

British football manager

Some of the ravines are so deep that if you topple over, your clothes will be out of date by the time you hit the bottom.

British auto racer

Sean Avery’s got more tongue than a lumberjack’s boot.

Do I have to know rules and all that crap? Then forget it.

professional golfer

All of his saves have come during relief appearances.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

(Bruce) Benedict may not be hurt as much as he really is.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist

We used to pray the White Sox and the Cubs would merge so Chicago would have only one bad team.

American comedian

From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I have ever seen on a running back.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

When you win, say nothing; when you lose, say less.

professional football coach

Louise Goodman to British racing driver Johnny Herbert: Johnny, it's started to rain, how will that affect the track?

Herbert’s reply: Well, it makes it wet usually.

British racing driver

Andujar Cedeno to lead it off; he swings… and he is hit by a pitch… and it is hit over the wall and out of here for a home run.

(1922 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer

His face is sagging with tension.

English sports commentator

If he wanted me to run 26 miles through the hills, I would. If he wanted me to carry water bottles, I would. If he wanted me to get my hair cut like his… well, you have to draw the line somewhere.

American football player

Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a useless no-name, he immediately rises to stardom.

One player was lost because he broke his nose; how do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor