Subject: Sports » Golf

You can make a lot of money in this game; just ask my ex-wives; both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

When Lee [Trevino] and Jack [Nicklaus] win, it is good for golf; when I win, it is better.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week… he is attending the birth of his next wife.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.

(1927 – ) British journalist & author

This one'll slide down the hill like a greased piglet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

It's like an octopus falling out of a tree.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

If God wants to produce the ideal golfer then He should create a being with a set of unequal arms and likewise legs, an elbow-free left arm, knees which hinge sideways and a ribless torso from which emerges, at an angle of 45 degrees, a stretched neck fitted with one color-blind eye stuck firmly on the left side.

golf author

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

Golf is my real profession – show business pays my greens fees.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Yeah, after each of my downhill putts.

professional golfer

You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.

professional golfer

Never putt until the cup stops moving.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist

I just stood there watching him walk past and thinking, ‘I don’t know what that is, but I know there weren’t two of them on Noah’s Ark.’

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Your clubs.

(1916 – 1987) television actor & comedian

Around a clubhouse they'll tell you even God has to practice his putting. In fact, even Nicklaus does.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.

American writer

That putt had more breaks than a government job.

golf writer

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula… and it took a 7 to do that.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter